i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
