i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
