i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
