Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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