Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
