I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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