You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
