I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
