My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
