I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
