apparently the secret to your success is patron
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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