Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
