So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
