I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
