Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
