OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
