Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
