K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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