just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
