Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize