dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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