is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Drake has all the answers
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize