I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
