why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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