she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
