lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
