I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize