just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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