Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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