Redeem this text for a blowjob
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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