I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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