before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
