I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
