Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
