1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
