i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
