I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
