I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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