I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
