I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
