did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
