Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
