The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she told me i tasted like america
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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