I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
