Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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