i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
