you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
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so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
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I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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