So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You dont lie about slip and slides
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
