Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
