i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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