Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
