can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
