Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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