working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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