I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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