i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
