Your face is a jimmy john
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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