About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
