Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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