I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Even my vagina gasped.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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