You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
