the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he thought i was a dude.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
