you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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