Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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