Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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