OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
