The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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