I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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