Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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