I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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