I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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