so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
