Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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