If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
