doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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