I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
