Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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