Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
