You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
