When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
