just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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