Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Also, beer. Big fan.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
